This past month has been so busy, I haven't had a chance to write to you. I don't feel like going into it all right now so instead I will continue where I left off nearly a month ago.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Hi Larry,
I haven't written to you for a couple of weeks. I was away at the beach for five days celebrating my sister's birthday and enjoying the sun, ocean, and friends who visited. I thought about you a couple of times, but... I just remembered the show when you competed with Rosie O'Donnell for the affection of a sexy Jewish woman. Of course she looked like she was in her forties. I imagine you don't even see women who are your age. I would be invisible to you. Our friend Kim, who is quite pretty and in her early fifties came to visit at the beach. She's had some work done on her face, and she encouraged me to get botox or restilan (spell)) injections on the lines between my brows and around my mouth. I probably should. It would improve my appearance. Make me look younger. Fit in better in our youth obsessed culture. But it's just not how I want to spend my money. I like my looks. I really do think that lines add character to a face. And if I turned out looking like Dolly Parton or Meg Ryan ended up looking like, I would only have myself to blame.
The truth is I would only have work done to attract a man not because I am unhappy with my looks. And I would prefer to meet a man who would love me in spite of my age. It's not as if I'm not vain. I do stand in front of the mirror and hold my cheeks up to see what a face lift might do, but I always end up shrugging my shoulders and smiling at myself. To me aging is okay.
Perhaps it's the old hippie or the feminist within who went around without a bra in the sixties and stopped setting my hair with big rollers to make it straight. I was so pleased when thick, wild, curly hair became fashionable. Perhaps it's that part of me that balks at getting work done. In any event, I like how I look. I've been working out for the past thirty years so my figure is still slim, and in my eyes I'm still cute. But I'm your age, so I would be invisible to you.
Wednesday 9/7 at midnight
Hi Larry,
I didn't have a very good day today. I felt scattered. I don't think I told you that I'm an artist. An oil painter. And a writer too. I've written 3 novels, 2 screenplays, and 2 non-fiction proposals. None yet published. But I also write a local art column for a dot com and publish at least two articles a week. This winter I'm having two solo shows of my paintings - one in a library and the other in a university. Actually, they are father/daughter shows. My dad was a masterful pastelist, and though he sold many pieces during his life, my sister and I inherited around seventy pastels.
Today I spent time trying to photograph the work going into one of the shows. Though I recently bought an expensive camera, I still don't know what I'm doing. Digital technology is beyond me. I feel like an idiot. So my failed attempts put me into a grouchy mood.
It's times like this when I long for a man, for a partner who could help me. Or I wish I could just paint for the pleasure and not have to market and exhibit my work. But what would be the point of painting pictures if I didn't show them to anyone?
I guess I just get overwhelmed at times. I'm so busy painting and writing that there aren't enough hours. Part of me would prefer to sit at the pool with a good book which I sometimes do. But most of the time I feel like I have to work. I'm not sure why I'm so driven.
I wonder about you. Do you think about retiring? I fantasize about being with a man who is retired and eager to explore the world. I love traveling, and there are still so many places I haven't seen yet. China, India, the Pyramids. I long to see them before I'm too old to enjoy the experience. The past winter I went to the boat show. Fantasies of traveling the world in one of those fabulous yachts.
Saturday 9/10
Dear Larry,
I'm sitting on my patio. It's an interesting day weatherwise. Half the sky is bright blue with white cumulous clouds, and half is a dark black storm cloud moving in ominously. I spent the morning doing laps, and now I'm resting and drying off before I go in to eat lunch and later clean the house.
Thoughts about you again or rather thoughts about having a man in my life - how it might benefit me - help me to reach my fullest potential. When I have those thoughts I long for a man, and then you pop into my mind. You represent a man I could admire, a man who might have something to teach me, a man who would be my equal. I guess that sounds ridiculous to think we are equals when clearly you have accomplished so much more than I have, but on some human or perhaps cosmic level I think of you as my equal. Or at least, a man I could admire and respect. That's what you represent, and I'm longing to find that person.
It's interesting that now rain is falling in half of the pool. The other half remains under the blue sky. It's strange - like a reflection of my own ambivalence. I've longed for a man all of my life, and yet I've managed to stay single.
Saturday, 6:30 p.m.
I'm back on the patio. It's drizzling now. It turned out to be a pretty gray day, which didn't bother me since I had so much work to do indoors. I scrubbed, wiped, and dusted things most of the day, but I had time to paint too. Now I'm sitting out here with a glass of wine and pretzels, and Jan just came out. She worked at the gallery all day, a Unique Art Gallery in Jupiter, where I have my work. Jan represents Dad's work, and since the gallery is more or less an art collective, we both cover it at times.
1:30 a.m.
Jan interrupted my writing earlier. I don't remember if I told you before that my sister, Jan, and I live together. We own a lovely single family home in West Palm Beach, Florida where we've lived since we moved from Cambridge, Mass. 28 years ago. Our relationship is a long story which I don't feel like getting into now. Anyway, tonight we ate leftover pizza and rented a movie, "Win, Win" with Paul Giacomatti (SPELL????) and Amy Ryan. It was a really good film. I fell asleep on the love seat afterwards and woke up about fifteen minutes ago. Today was a good day. I enjoyed it in spite of the house cleaning. I accomplished a lot. So it's time to turn out the light and go to sleep. Hope I don't have insomnia tonight. Good night.
Sunday, September 9, 2011
Hi Larry,
Tonight it was the finale of this season's Curb. Also of Entourage. I don't know which show I will miss more. Probably Entourage, because it was the final show ever. I'm fairly confident that you will return for Season 9. In the meantime, I will miss seeing you. But then there are the reruns, so I will be able to get a Larry David fix when I need one.
Wednesday 9/14
Dear Larry,
Tonight we had an art opening at the gallery. The place was mobbed with people, but I don't think anything sold. I flirted with several of the artists. Only one is single, an attractive sculptor. But he's a lot younger than me and doesn't show any interest. It's still fun to flirt. He and I talked about the current political scene. Both of us are freaked out over the Tea Party. I'm really troubled about Obama too. I worked very hard to get him elected, and I was so excited when he won. But he's such a disappointment. He's been caving in right and left on important issues. Jan told me that last week he caved in on a major environmental issue, which weakened the E.P.A. I'm worried about America.
Friday, 9/16/11
Hi Larry,
Your ears must be burning. I was talking about you today at the gym with my friend, Flavian. Today was a sad day there. Bally's Total Fitness is closing in my neighborhood after 24 years, and today was the final day. Boo hoo. I am truly grieving. I've been going two or three times a week for the past 23 years, and for the last 19 my membership fee has been $63 a year. I still haven't decided where I'm going to go. It will cost at least three times as much or more wherever I end up joining. But even if the gyms were free, nothing can replace a building I've gone to for over twenty years.
Anyway, Flavian and I have developed a friendship, and I will continue to see him and his wife, Sylvia, even if we end up at different gyms. He asked me today if I am still writing. He enjoyed hearing about my novels in the past, and he reads my Examiner articles. I told him that I wasn't writing much that I was focusing on the painting for now. Then I remembered my letters to you.
We ended up laughing over scenes on Curb. Flav did an impersonation of you staring at Susie in the front seat of your orgasmic car or pantomiming the violin at Michael J. Fox' presentation. He had a great idea for a scene on your show, which was inspired by the time you were invited to Jeff and Susie's for dinner and seated at the far end of the table. Flav related about a wedding his family was invited to years ago where they were seated at the farthest table in the room, practically out in the hallway. All night long friends and other family members stopped by the table to comment about their embarrassing placement. He thought it would be hysterical if you, Jeff, and Susie were invited to a wedding and had that experience, and Susie with her mouth would let people know her dissatisfaction. Of course somehow it would be your fault that you were all seated there. Are people always pitching you ideas? I'm sure they are.
My friend Jane, who gave me the Rollingstone article, recently told me she loved this season's final episode and completely identified with your helplessness dealing with Michael J. Fox and Mayor Blomburg. It reminded her of a day at the gym (also my Bally's) when she was on the treadmill. Her husband called her, and by the time she was able to find her phone in her fanny pack she missed the call. She tried him back, but got his voicemail so she left a message. A little bit later he called back to find out what groceries she wanted him to pick up. When she started telling him, the guy on the treadmill next to her lost it.
He started screaming at her for being inconsiderate by calling people when he was trying to space out on his treadmill. She tried to explain that her husband had called her not the other way around, and that she was just trying to call him back because he needed her help with grocery shopping. The guy didn't listen or care. Instead, he kept screaming at her that she was rude. Getting angry herself, she told him that she was quietly talking to her husband, and he was disturbing more people by yelling at her. When he continued to scream, she finally just closed her eyes and put her hands over her ears, and he finally stopped yelling. Clearly a crazy person, but we could imagine a scene like that on your show.
One of the things I liked best this season were the inconsiderate car parkers. The ones that took up two spaces. I always complain when I see that, so I loved your doing it. By the way, I'm a considerate street crosser. I always walk quickly so cars won't have to wait too long, and I hope the drivers appreciate it.
So lots of thoughts about you today. I even received an email from my cousin (who has no idea that I'm in love with you) with the Youtube of Michael J. Fox and the Mayor. She didn't know that I watch the show but thought I'd get a laugh out of the scene. You've got lots of fans Larry David, and I guess we are all going to miss the show - until it returns again - soon please!
