Dear Larry David,

Since August I have been writing to you. Originally, I planned to put the letters online with the hope that you might someday read them and miraculously want to meet me. Knowing that was ridiculous, I wrote in a small notebook instead. Recently, however, my inner voice keeps telling me, "Put the letters on the internet," so I've decided to listen. After all, we are living in a strange time when due to Facebook, reality TV, and other technological advances privacy seems to have gone out the window. Plus I am not in the least bit embarrassed about or ashamed of anything I have written. So here goes with the first few letters, and I will post others when the mood strikes me.

Sat. August 13, 2011

Dear Larry David,

I am really worried that you will think that I'm a stalker, which I am most definitely not. Or maybe I am. I mean I don't know you, and here I am writing to you. No, not a stalker, perhaps a fan is a more accurate word. I do love your show and watch it the first night it's on, but I'm not writing to you as a fan. More like a stalker.

Truth is I'm writing to you because you are the object of my dreams. I'm in love with you, and I don't even know you. It feels weird. Well, not really in love. It's just of all the men in the world one could choose to fantasize about, for some reason I don't fully understand, I've chosen you.

Friday, August 19

Dear Larry David,

Sorry that I didn't sign my first letter to you. I kind of ran out of steam after professing my love. I had to ask myself, "What are you doing?" Here I am a mature woman, supposedly in her right mind, and I'm writing online to a person I don't know - a celebrity at that. Is that not insane? It think it's more silly than insane. Silly seems right. Silly it is!

But since I don't mind being silly, I think I will continue writing. Especially since silliness is one of the things I love most about you. Whether or not you are really George Costanza (spell?) or the Larry David you portray on Curb Your Enthusiasm, you are most definitely silly. So silly, it's hilarious. You're not afraid to look ridiculous. Playing the fool takes great courage, and you are a comic genius. Well, you already know that, but I wanted you to know that's what I love about you.

Anyway, perhaps by writing I will get you out of my system. My system? I guess I mean my mind. I thought about writing to you this morning when I was doing laps in the pool. I wrote a great letter to you in my head, but now I don't really remember what I said. And I wrote to you in my mind again later in the evening when I was enjoying a bubble bath. That letter went something like... So Larry, what do you think about this Michelle Bockman thing? Isn't it scary? The letter went on from there, but I realized that I just assume you're a liberal Democrat. I really have no idea. I don't know much about you. I did read an article in Rollingstone. One of my friends who knows that I adore you copied the article for me. In fact, I read it last Saturday and that prompted my first letter.

I've had a crush on you for a couple of years, ever since I learned that you were getting divorced. Before that I thought you were a riot. I really enjoyed the show, but beyond that I gave you very little thought. Then I learned that you were divorced and all of a sudden you became my symbol of the kind of man who could interest me. You became my fantasy sex object. Is that a scream or what?

Friday/Sat. 2:00 a.m.

Dear Larry,

Hope you weren't offended by my last letter. I didn't mean to ridicule you or demean you by thinking it's hysterical that I find you sexy. I'm sure thousands maybe even millions of other women see your sex appeal. I just think it's a riot that I'm fixated on you. Because in fact you are not only my fantasy sex object - you're my fantasy love object. You are "the one" or rather "the you," I think you are, is "the one." So who is that? A figment of my imagination.

And yet you are a real person. Just someone I will never meet. Perhaps that's why I'm writing the letters. I have some magical thinking going on that if I write online somehow eventually you will read them. And then one day we'll meet? Yeah, right. I'm sounding like a lunatic to myself now. So I will end. Now it's 2:30 a.m. on Friday night. I can sleep late tomorrow. Still it's time to go to bed.

Sat. 8/20, 11:30 a.m.

Hi Larry,

I just finished an article in Entertainment Weekly about Romantic Comedies. A good article, and I often tease that EW is my bible. Anyway, the article talked about the fact that romantic comedies "feed sick fantasy to people." Unfortunately, I've bought the fantasy hook, line, and sinker. Fairy tales too. I'm still waiting for my prince.